finally I've blogged

It came to the stage where when i keyed in the address of my blog in my IE that it did not appear in my history anymore ... yes, it's that long ... it's not because I'm too busy, it's just that all of a sudden i felt if i want to tell people what's going on around me, not that i've got a fan base ... but you never know who's actually passing by ... :)

Ok where did i stopped? July, KK trip. After that, I've still managed to go on a trip almost once a month, be it personal or business. Along the way, made mistakes here or there, met some good and not so good people, went through some fun times and uncertainties. And life is just so ironic. It's already December, the last month of the year, and funny how things changes so fast. Need to take a glimpse of what happened over the past 4-5 months ....

Aug 07

1. Youth Camp at Port Dickson, the most entertaining job was given to me - videographer :)
2. Genting trip with IT monkeys, messed up the BBQ chicken wings, either it was not frozen properly or i've bought aging chickens :P
3. Bangkok Trip - Went with Rob, Grace, Daphne and her two friends. This time I really covered places I've never been to earlier

Sep 07
1. The return of koko and unka leong. Blardy mahjong kakis
2. Meeting at HKIA, managed to meet up with the HK leos. :)

Oct 07
1. Bonus payout time! Cleared my debts, bought some UT, did some shopping (working clothes, bed sheets, comforter, carpet, underwater cam casing) and bought a mountain bike
2. Applied and awarded scholarship by AA to study masters in UK starting Sep 08
3. Leftover cash, went for diving trip in KK Tar Park

Nov 07
1. No trips - busy month with system upgrades and AAX first flight
2. Tried out BlackBerry Pearl but didn't like it, changed to SE P1i for a very good bargain

Dec 07
1. No trips again - busy work schedule and koko's wedding
2. Xmas outing in KL with the Leos - again we will be parking in Crown Regency Apartments
3. Bro's wedding on 30th December

Despite all these, it's not the real reason for me not blogging. Everytime i login to blogspot, i wanted to write about my activities, but there's always an urge to burst and write about how i'd really felt for the last few months. My boss always said, "with great powers come great responsibilities". And I always agreed, but never experienced it. For the last 6 months, I did. Many times I had to put on a brave face, many times I had to speak out, and many times I had to find ways to make my statements "politically correct".

Things changed around me. And at times at a pace that I reluctantly had to follow. I tried to just do whatever i can but that was never enough. Everything always catch up on me and haunt me. I have a great team and great mentor, but then it's just not good enough if i don't manage them well. I always felt disappointed because we did well but the results were always not enough. You get an A+, people find a worm hiding behind it. No doubt the working environment is dynamic and fast paced. Without the experience I was lost many times and had to recover as fast as i fell.

I felt tired, i felt stressed, I felt like a kid again and wanted to go back to school, wanted long semester breaks and most of all, wanted to find a sanctuary far away from home where the fishes and corals are my only friends. I am tired, there are nights where i just go to bed and tears just flow out. I can't remember what i did yesterday at work. And i can't remember what is my goal in life. It just eats into you so much that the next best choice is to let everything go and start all over again.

There's so many things happening around me that i don't think it is advisable to say it in a blog. That is why the long silence ... but I hope with this post, a better tomorrow awaits ...